There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry about my life...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
