What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
