Welp...herpes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
