I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
