Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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