and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
