Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
