My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
