I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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