it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
