I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
