Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
