I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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