Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
