considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
zippers are such a cool invention
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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