cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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