All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
