I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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