I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
