my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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