you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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