I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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