sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
