Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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