she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
