I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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