Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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