Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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