take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
