a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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