i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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