Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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