she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
