we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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