I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
