i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
