tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
