Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
