Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
