Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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