A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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