Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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