I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
