are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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