Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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