I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
