I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
