Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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