You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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