ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
